lo·bot·o·my (lO-'bät-&-mE)

Shiny and new I am not. Well, that's not entirely true, I am very shiny but that has more to do with the oppressive heat here in the city than my experience with Landmark Education where I performed my self lobotomy. My lobotomy was not exactly what I had expected which is what usually happens when you have expectations. However education, i believe, is never a wasteful endeavor and to that end I will say that my three day and one evening course was definitely educational. What was I studying? Good question. I hesitate to tell people that it was a self-help or self-discovery course because that brings up all kinds of pre-concieved notions and wary glances and responses like, "Oh, well good for you!" accompanied by expressions of pity.
The tag line for The Landmark Forum reads like this:
The Landmark Forum is specifically designed to bring about positive and permanent shifts in the quality of your life. These shifts are the direct cause for a new and unique kind of freedom and power.The freedom to be absolutely at ease no matter where you are, who you're with, or what the circumstance - the power to be in action effectively in those areas that are important to you.
How could anyone say no to that? At least, how could anyone going through an extended quarter crisis say no to that? I'm a huge fan of sweeping promises of grandeur - the freedom to be at ease no matter where I am? very grand.

I really can't say quantitatively what I got out of this but I do feel like I am able to participate in my life more actively than I was before. I am aware that this statement is just as vague and sweeping as the one above. I don't know what this means exactly but I know a few things is doesn't mean. This doesn't mean that I have found my calling in life (which I was hoping to do), this doesn't mean that I am exchanging liquid courage for a more steady, reliable internal sort (which I was not really hoping to do), this doesn't mean that I have become a whole new person who is completely happy and satisfied (is it so bad that I'm not?). I am still here and still a little bit Gregor Samsa, a little bit Dorian Gray but I think the important thing here is that I am ok with that. It is what it is. I will be taking suggestions on my calling in life though. I seems I am completely deaf to that.

On a side note. I was expecting to return to Los Angeles yesterday and found myself sitting in bumper to bumper traffic outside of the midtown tunnel for about two hours in a cab with no air conditioning which led to my missing of my flight and much shininess. Since I was on the last flight out I had to turn around and come back to the city where I took it upon myself to get as drunk as possible. I am hungover today and staying now until Sunday. That's the short version but the long one is just as boring.